A shitload goinʻ on….

 

 

Textile, Silk, Satin, Velvet, Pattern

It is my only daughterʻs birthday.

She is 21.

She is who I champion these causes for the very most….her, and all of the other daughters of the world even the ones who canʻt get past their own self-deception.

Rather than go on and on about what we already know is happening in this world today, I will, instead, implore you all to care. 

Remember that?

That thing, that energy called caring where the caring came from you and was given to others?

Remember how much you cared about other people and for one reason or another, you have chosen to not to anymore, and the way that any one of us has allowed it to happen is simply just letting things go.

And when you are one who practices the things that I practice, letting go does not mean to let go, with wild abandon, those things, people, etc etc, who you otherwise would feel guilty about, because for some odd reason or another, you may have felt compelled, by your own guilty conscience, to not make sure that they were okay.

And you call yourself a human being who cares.

Are you really now?

Have you started that caring right there, in your own life, where your own house, literally and proverbially, needs to be cleaned?

Are you still trying hard to outdo other people and every time you think you have, that shit comes roaring back in your face, reminding you of how much you still have to grow?

Nah…I am not different, and for a long time, I was paying attention to the plants that I grew, but was not thinking about the Ocean which connects me to my roots, on either side of the Pacific. I was born and raised here in Southern California, the place to which I have referred to as being #TheRockin9th island which is my ʻaina, and no one at all gets to tell me how I am doing this whole….Being Hawaiian…. wrong, and according to how much their own feelings of separateness, their own feelings of something that they have believed, forever and ever amen, that only included how certain people felt and feel, and more, how they just cannot seem to let go of a generational hatred.

That shit will kill us all quicker than you want to believe it will, but hey…at least you did not die being wrong, right???

Riiiiiight

SO…then there is the other thing, where, by right of the cosmos, and the quantum physics thing that is the most magnetic thing in Astrology, that Bible-thumping blind people seem to think is the entire world gone to shit, all because in their worlds, there is no such thing as speaking anything but ” ʻmurrkin” ….hahahhahaaa yeah, I actually heard someone call our ….”culture” ….here in the states call it that and if you say it just as it is spelled you will figure out all on your own what the hell our issue is, not as a nation, but as humans who have colonialized the thought process but forgot that there are some of us who did not hail from european roots…in fact a whole lot of us are….. oh my…. indigenous….and the vast majority of us are PISSED OFF. 

Including this Mainland Maoli girl…and to those with whom I share ancestry with, but not DNA…if you do not like the way that I represent who we are on this side of the water which is MY fuckinʻ ʻAina…then donʻt read what I have to say and when you need people who share ancestry with you to follow your cause, go find the ones who are looking for something to fuck with us on this side of the water over…which is usually just people not being able to get past the idea that if you are looking for free land you are not going to get it, so why not protect the culture that is trying to thrive? Why do you believe that you are going to be the hero to just you and yours when you could choose to be that for us all?

Yeah…I fuckinʻ went there….I said that shit and if I become the  most hated woman in my culture who is on this side of the ocean and all because there are VERY FEW who seem to look towards what is the actual thing that we are up against and you still think you are going to win anything (namely that shit called free rent) and you do not like the shit I have to say and yet you still read it???

Good…I hope you are as okole sore/ass hurt about it as I meant for you to be.

The time that calls for solidarity so that we can save our asses was here a LONG TIME ago, and while I get it in terms of misappropriation of our culture, there is the bigger thing at hand that those who are in high office and who not one of us will impact unless we continue to throw this shit in their faces …..you will end up being part of the problem, instead of part of the solution and really, you cannot be one without also accepting that you are also part of the other.

That is what is called Balance, and in this lifetime and in these bodies we drag our souls around in throughout our times as human beings, we forget that we are not here to make more of a problem but, that is what has happened, and really, it is all over the way that i believe too many people have decided is in that black book that people have thumped others with for generations.

The thing that no one wants to hear is that the reason why this world is in the energy that it is now is because everyday people are learning about where we get the idea that somehow we are the most intelligent species on the planet, and following that nonsense, we also believe ourselves to be the most humane. I use a lot of sea creatures in my Facebook posts and while it might seem to others that I change causes the truth is that everything that I support has its origins in my life and from a very early start.

Believe it when I tell you that everything I post ….ALL OF THAT SHIT has some connection to my life, and if, again, you do not like the Me who I could no longer keep quiet, all because a few people do not like my truth?

Bite me…..

When I was a little girl, my mom taught me to love flowers, and birds, and animals, taught me to plant. I learned to dance hula at he age of 3, and was reading by the time that I was 4. All my life I was shown that things that were not things that brown people do, was also what  “good little ladies did” not do.

One of those things was to come flying right in the face of the religious upbringing I had that rendered and still renders a whole lot of us unable to strike a balance between our ancient selves who honor the natural Earth cycles, and, man made time, that keeps us all in a hierarchy of class-level bullshit….I am here to remind all of us, there is no race on this planet OTHER THAN THE HUMAN RACE of which we are all a part of.

I learned a whole lot throughout the course of my lifetime regarding what it means to be a good Hawaiian person, and I raised three good Hawaiians, so, having been raised as such, I also know that I raised three good human beings, and more than that, since I know that quantum physics only allows us to draw to us who we are, I must apologize to all those people who I have recently excused from my life…you might be a good person in your world, but, based on how I have been treated by a lot of people?

You no longer fit in mine...take that how you want to, because I mean it when I say it, that if you are not able to see the sameness that is you in other people, then you do not belong with those people. It took me a while to remember that, for fucksake – I am the LAST PERSON WHO WILL MINCE WORDS and if you do not like anything that I have said to you in the past….say six months, and you have not bothered to see the person who I am and have been this whole time????

Again, being the #Pisces who I Am and since it is that one of my ʻAumakua is Kaʻahu Pahau, the Shark deity….I will say it AGAIN…

…you can bite me.

All of you.

When I was a kid, I was shown what it was to be different, to be pointed out over something that I could not have chosen, which was the color of my skin and the shape of my eyes. As I got older, it did not take long for the truth in some girls who were my age whose mothers taught them to hate other girls because of what they look like. If it were not for me having dealt with this one thing, even now, I might not have turned out to be the kick ass human being I KNOW THAT I AM, and not one mother fucker can take that away from me….ever….even though one tried, and well, not even his own daughter, the one who is 21 today, will admit to his being her father….

I took all of that time in my life and from it, I went on to teach others from the things that caused me pain…being forgotten about, being made to feel like I always had  to compete with larger, girthier girls  and for what….the idea that I had to fight back harder because I was not physically, am still not physically, a large woman?

Someone elseʻs ideal of what current trends call acceptable and beautiful?

By whose sorry ass standards?

I Am, however, an insanely intelligent one, and have refused, for a long time now, to be anything else, just to allow someone else who is NOT ME, be able to get one over on me, to be able to tell the lies about who I Am, when who I Am is just like you who is reading this – fuckinʻ awesome, and you are that way NOT because you are reading this but, because I know that most people who take the time to read things that ramble on and on like this are the same sort of people who question EVERYTHING, but especially the common, usually WRONG assumptions about what the hell they do not know that they do not know.

So, to further not mince words…

We are going through a big giant falling away of everything that we thought was normal and most of what we are dealing with is meant to hurt us, so that when we get good and sick and fucking tired of restating what ought to be so easy to take on (that shit called the truth…and you do not get to pick what is someone elseʻs truth about you…when you do that, you minimize who THEY are and devalue how they feel….and yeah – I AM THE FUCK TALKING TO ANYONE WHO HAS DONE THAT TO ME LATELY….again…BITE ME if you cannot handle it…) we can grow from the bullshit that, for lots of us, takes some serious time and effort to let go of….that shit called abuse, no matter where it came from is the reason why…and yeah, I have told everyone who has and who has not asked, that the men in our lives are also those who end up hurting from abuse that they might not say anything about…

Itʻs a guy thing. I Am not a guy.

So to all of those who seem to want their nice little world to not be hampered with, I give you this….

Hahahahaha Pluto is going to crash your party, and Saturn is coming to make arrests hahahahahaaa and Capricorn ainʻt gonna stop at just breakinʻ knees, and Neptune is GOING TO make you wish you never ate that magick mushroom …. and hahahahaha all at the same time, Jupiter is going to make EVERYTHING you focus on that much WAY bigger, to the point of …either growing to its fullest and best OR becoming SO overblown with the ego that it blows itself to smithereens….either way, hahahhaa you are right – it is totally all about you….

You need -ALL OF YOU – to pay the fuck attention already.

Your empires are meant to be trashed and your safety walls that you think you have erected will be destroyed by the truths that you cannot handle but, that you have, yourselves, made be that, even in your own lives, and where you think it is that you are safe as fuck…well, here comes another Uranus aspect to throw big surprise parties for us all.

Stop pointing fingers -you are not as cool as you want to think you are, or more hahhahahaha that you think you are and have to keep telling people that you are.

The most ….awesome…thing I had ever heard was told to me years ago, and those words STILL ring true…

“If you have to tell people you are cute, you are probably not….”

My friend, Kim, the desert philosopher…..

Take it how you want to

But do not take the fact lightly that we have a LOT OF SHIT GOINʻ ON…..

It is time to take up your sword, your shield, and if it pertains to you….your big angry bras and fight the good fight….

Just sayinʻ

#LosAngelesKahunaRox #SoulFusion22 #MainlandMaoliGirl #BiteMe #TheTruthHurts #ShareIt

 

 

 

 

#blueforsudan

Later today I will be posting a blog about our strengths in numbers. Please enjoy and share this poem….aloha…ROX

a.mermaid'spen_

What colour of skin, do death and sufferings acknowledge?
Don’t look at me now, pretending, you had no knowledge.

Raping my child, breaking my womb,
I am forced to wear a viel of gloom.

The red of my blood is shadowed by, red quenching the city,
All the colours are gone, that once made my people pretty.

They humiliated my heart with every possible force,
I know universe loved us, when Nile refused to engulf corpse.

You said you are safe, and I always wonder,
Maybe you’ll know, when your own doors receive this thunder.

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Social Media Commentary – Have People Gone Over The Line?

A very good read, about social media bullying

Talin Orfali Ghazarian

Social Media Commentary – Have People Gone Over The Line?

In the last decade or two, social media has played a big role in how we communicate with others and even total strangers that we do not know. There are groups, pages and other forms of communicating our thoughts, reactions, opinions, suggestions and more. Now, the golden question is, Have people gone over the line in some aspects?

Nowadays, with social media, there is no filter and some people just write for the sake of writing on posts without thinking of the outcome often times leading to people getting hurt feelings and where people cyberbully others. Social media is at everyone’s disposal now, and there are some people who draw over the line. It is absolutely ridiculous about what kind of comments people make. What people write online and how they portray themselves, definitely shows people who they really are…

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After-Abuse: When It seems like there is no end…

 

 

“…you donʻt know what you are talking about…”

When it comes to the things that have harmed me and my kids, the one thing that immediately comes to my head is the fact that over the last …more than the last quarter-century…our lives have been visited by the ugliness of domestic violence.

I wanted to never ever say or write anything about it, preferring to post things about the things that I am manifesting in terms of my best life. Yet, just a few days ago, here where I have no choice but to stay (as per my social workers), the thing that brought me the pain and the heartache, the thing that made me think about things that I did not want to think about because those are the things that the most unexpected people brought to me came literally screaming at me.

To hear the things that were going on in the room next to mine was complete torture. To see the looks on my own kidsʻ faces as they experienced being in that time and space of a very long time ago, as they, when they were just tiny children, re-experienced in their memories, with particular attention being paid to my only daughter, the abuse that literally came screaming back at them.

To see these people outside my door the day before last, and to witness what, for years, I went through and to have to hear the things that only echo in my own head, just as loudly as they did two days ago, just as loudly as they did, at first, 22 years ago, and then, 18 years ago, with my oldest son who is now 25, and my only daughter who will be 21 in a few days short of a month from now….we shall say that those memories – they never leave you. The abuse and all of its auditory offerings from so many years ago, and even before kids are born stays with you.

The memories, they stay with you, and while it is that those things are not happening to us anywhere else than in our heads, hearts and memories, they are there, pounding me in the head while the hours of the day pass by me, while the tears that I thought were no longer going to fall come back in a deluge of reminders of where I am right now in more ways than just one and the  mother fucker of all things being that too many people believe that when the abuser is gone, so too are the emotional issues and the mental “things” that become a very real part of oneʻs life.

Those things…the emotional things…the mental things…the everyday life and living things….that comes back to your head immediately.

Again…Lots of people believe that once those certain others are no longer part of our lives, that the abuse is over with. While technically this is the truth, what is also the truth is that those ways of being that caused you to feel like you had to be on high alert all the time, your awareness cracked wide open for the world to see and your every single  thought permeated with the abuse that you experienced, that seems like it happened to someone else, even as that someone else is you many years ago.

The memories and every detail stay with you.

You donʻt truly heal completely from those things because they are all around you, all the time, in largess and in ways that you cannot forget them coming to your life.

They haunt you, because even when those who you do not know are suddenly in your awareness and you cannot do more for them than to just …be there…because of county rules and because you canʻt stop the flashbacks, and you cannot stop hearing the wailing cries of a three year old little boy, who, when you opened the door….you see his crying little face, and you see the bloody mess that has been made, and you see the sheer terror there that for a long time, was also yours…you cannot forget, and this is why I know that one does not completely heal from the things that happened.

Just because the person who abused you is no longer part of your life, it does not mean that you are going to be okay, does not mean that you are never going to experience, at least in your thoughts, the things that you have had to deal with, and the things that you never wanted to happen to anyone, specifically yourself, but the things that you have borne auditory witness to are the things that you are now contending with.

Two days ago, in the room right next to mine, a woman and her child were exposed to brutal physical violence.

My kids and I heard everything. The look on Gracieʻs face was the same one she wore so many years ago when she was that child. The look on her face was the same one that she and her brothers wore when they watched their father put a gun in my face, while he stood there laughing at me and my fear, training it on me, waving it between me and Grace and Jeremy and laughing while he did and telling me and my daughter that he has a shell for each of us, and that I was going to be shot first.

Were it not for Jeremyʻs quick thinking, and not for Gracie standing in front of me while her father pointed it at my head….

….I can only think the worst.

That was 2008.

It is now 2019.

The photo of me as a much younger woman?

1992.

October.

The thing that too many people do not realize is that no matter how far away from the person who violated you is, the things that happened to you stay with you.  No matter what it is that you think about, somehow, when it happens and you bear witness to it – all over again, you are put through the things that took you a long time to get past.

Even when it was that you, yourself, were but a witness to the violence, and even if you only heard the violence.

This is what no one thinks about – the the memory is what we deal with after the fact, and no matter what you do to quell the thing that haunted you, the thing that you were so careful to avoid for yourself, and the thing that you have trained many several others for comes screaming, literally, back into your thoughts, memories, and ears, all at once, you are taken back to the very last, worst time you had to deal with your abuser. For me to have heard the screaming, and the pleading and the brutal contact of fists to skin was all too real. 

Yet, I do not have a choice to just leave.

This is my reality.

Bearing auditory witness to the things that I cannot not hear, and cannot not see, and to know that there are people on this planet who we share the air with, and specifically women people….to know that those women people would do their best to not have to deal with the thing that they do not realize or care is a reality for lots of us, and more, that some of them want to keep things quiet, so that they do not have to answer for the things that they have allowed into the lives of other women.

Specifically violence.

Specifically on their watch.

Too many people want to believe that if you are forced to live like I have to live, because this is the way that some things are still done in this world, that you somehow deserved everything that came into your life that led up to this point.

For months now I have, my kids have, lots of people have had to deal with the reality that is domestic violence in our lives.

I am not different. I am living through the aftermath of not just my actual abuser -my kidsʻ father – did to my life but, also that which was brought to me and my children by the people who felt like I was milking my issues for whatever it was that they felt, in their fucked up opinion, not only of me and my kids, but what I was and still am and actually able to do for me and this group of people who call me Mom …and man were they horrifically WRONG about things.

Let us get one thing very clearly understood – no matter who in your life, regardless if you talk to them anymore or not, no matter what in the fuck they do for their job that they may have been doing for years and namely if it is social work or the …lesser…medical “professions” or MY favorite – ANYONE IN MANAGEMENT IN MOST OTHER PROFESSIONS…wants to tell anyone what is and what is NOT abuse and unless they have had to deal with it directly and personally? You do NOT know what the fuck you are talking about. 

At all.

You blame the victims. And then you choose to keep them victimized, for what purpose, I havenʻt any clue. You state that you each and all want no bullshit but you are not thinking in terms of your own duty to the people who, regardless of what you want to believe, are part of why you get paid the money that you are paid. In your hubris and your own ability to sweep shit under the rug, you chose, like lots of people choose, to not just look the other way but, to put the error on the person who was attacked, who is likely going through all kinds of therapy

We do not like being victimized, and the more that you ignore the need for YOUR understanding of us, and the more that anyone who has been through this has to deal with what YOU do not get, the more that people like me and those who have our backs are GOING to tell the world about who you are and what you did NOT do and in the instance where you have the chance to do the right thing -you FAIL, hugely.

Especially if you are a woman.

Especially if you are a woman who CAN help, and in the interest of keeping your job – you behave as if we are just able to fix what happened, immediately, and just like that – you tell people like us that by right of your position at work, and the idea that you “have seen this before” you throw women back into the dangerous places that they are trying to escape from.

You throw them back into the proverbial fire, and then you shame the victims more by telling the people who try to and are meant to by right of OUR authority that we have no idea what we are talking about, that we saw nothing and heard nothing and that in your opinion, no one will believe us, because we are not employed by the company you are and by right of that much alone and based on your wrong interpretation of what we know are OUR rights…you fail us.

I take these things seriously, and very personally, namely if I am supposed to trust your judgment

I used to be afraid to show the things that mark me as having been someone elseʻs victim. The photo that I have posted, more than one time, is of a much younger me – the photo of the younger me with bruises and an empty expression is me when I was 22. At the time, I was still in contact with my cousins, but, because of things that people are more willing to believe (such as DV survivors somehow milking whatever is being “handed” to us, just so that we can survive, and ultimately begin to breathe and live again) and because of the assumptions that anyone will have, it is far easier for others who would “never let this happen to them” to judge the shit that we have been through.

No.

No I am NOT trying to garner sympathy, because my whole life has been marred with people showing me fake kindness, has been affected by the thought that these people who I share DNA with -these are the people who have compounded the hurt for me, my kids, my life, even as outwardly I am surviving, thriving even, like a champion.

And I did it all because I was already doing it. That my fucking family decided that I was trying to take advantage of my parents is on them, namely the one person who lied in court documents and got away with it. This is enough already. My kids and I have been through this for too long and no, no we are so not trying to hang on to the energy that is “victim” but when the world seems hell bent on keeping us that way, for whatever the fuck they feel the need to have someone to be better than, and after they have been who created the mess that they will not now clean up….and when you hear the shit that you went through that caused a WHOLE LOT OF THE TURMOIL IN YOUR LIFE THAT LIVES IN YOUR MEMORIES…..and you hear the beatings through the motel walls…..it makes you have to live through it , all over again, one more fucking time….

….and for some women, namely those in positions of authority, it is too easy for them to tell us to “suck it up, buttercup,” and, of course, those who ask “what did you do to make him mad?” or “if you tell anyone and the cops show up, you are out of here…”

And that is the fear, the reality that a whole lot of us face every god damned day of our lives….that we are going to be tossed out (again) with our kids in tow, our lives exposed for the world around you to see and all of the other things that the world points at us for and treats us like an exhibit at the zoo.

Enough is the fuck enough.

The idea that we are lying to anyone about what has happened is not the right idea to have. That we are already vulnerable is one thing, but to make it feel and seem like we are to also be treated like somehow, we asked for this shit is morally void of the things that as humans, we all ought to have more of, such as compassion. This world shows more of it to animals than it does to the women in our midst. This is not to say that animals do not warrant protection, but the bottom line is that right now in the lives of every human being on this planet, we are placing no value on the lives of women and children, as though what we go through is nothing without a vote being taken on it.

It is like we are here for the purpose of the world – only to be seen, not heard, and if someone takes it upon themselves to once again break us, we will shatter.

Right now, I am shattered….and also terrified.

Terrified because I, too, regardless of supervision by the county, regardless of the federal protections in place – regardless of anything, we who bear children, have borne children, and we who take care of those kids, even if they are not ours…we are who bear the brunt of the bullshit. We are, it seems, everyoneʻs favorite group to show sympathy to, but what is anyone really able to do when it is that corporate America and the people who manage it place the bottom line ahead of the safety of its patrons?

When will the world decide that what we have been through, what we go through, is not okay?

When will we be more than just told who we are? When will we be okay and when will we be those people who matter as much as anyone, or anything else, does?

It has been a long, long 28 years for me, and the longest ones have been the last eleven, and not because of more than just my memories, and  memories that, once they have faded, comes along another event that sends those of us within earshot to experience all those things that trigger the tears and give us a reason for the terror and a reason for why it is that many of us do not ever recover?

When will we, the women in the lives of others, be worthy, of value enough for us to not have to live in fear of the light of day?

When will we be a worthy group, enough so that we wonʻt have to deal with the things that those who truly have no clue of the things that haunt us, that keep us awake at night and are added to those things that every other human adult on this planet has already to deal with…such as bills, and feeding our families and keeping a roof over our heads?

When will we be more than just a fuckinʻ tax write off?

When will we be more than just the next group that special interests feel a need to exploit and when tht exploitation is over with, when, again, were we supposed to just be those who are victimized for whatever constitutes as the rest of the lives that are lived everyday in fear, and not the fear, only, that our abusers instilled in us, sometimes years ago?

WHEN????

#LosAngelesKahunaRox #SoulFusion22 #UnSilenceTheViolence #StrongHealthyAndBadass 

 

She Said…

No matter what, ladies…Your Truth Matters, even when it is the #ExplicitTruth

I have been, for the majority time of my life, the person who has been most reviled in my bloodline, on either side of the line…momʻs side, and dadʻs side.

The thing that no one ever considered is the fact that there are typically more than two sides of a story when we are talking about girls and parents and who is expected to remain whatever is our motherʻs version of being (gulp) “ladylike.”

I love my mom. Really, I do.

What I never loved was the idea that her generation had that as our moms, they would be able to carry on the  madness that is being expected to shut up, agree with everything outwardly (while inwardly that generation roiled internally to the point of chronic illness…) while on the inside, an entire generation of women and their truths were just sort of ignored…and to this day, the men and those women in that generation and their kidsʻ generation are somehow convinced that women ought to have not a thing to say.

It is as though somehow, that we have rights, and according to a whole lot of people who want you to make this country “great” again….we are still second class citizens, not able to express our needs, not valuable for more than simply grabbing our genitals as though that is what we are there for – to grab us by the pussy.

Yeah.

I wrote “Pussy” ….deal with it – it is 2019. I will be 49 in about two weeks and I have been through hell and back, have done things that no actual human male could do and would not bother with because, to be frank – theirs is  not the same resourcefulness that is that of the populace of women on this planet.

I have always maintained that we are who have the babies, and because of this, it must have been Mother (NOT FATHER) Nature who chose us to literally make human life happen within our bodies. There is no man alive on this planet who would be able to handle the actual pressure of bringing a child into this world – I mean, most of them can barely handle having a cold for a week or two, and not in my own human and limited mind, even as I am one of the VERY MOST open minded people that this world has ever known – not even I Am able to visualize ANY man going through the beautiful violence that is birthing a baby.

Imagine not being able to tell a woman that ANYTHING she can do, HE can do better…and apply it to giving birth.

Okay ladies…stop laughing…this is not about our being able to say that we can and the guys canʻt – that is not fair to them….even though yeah, hahahaha it is a bit on the hilarious side, the way that this current US debacle of leadership behaves.

These are the worst sons (and daughters) of bitches that any one of us have ever ever seen in all of our lives as Americans, have had the very displeasure of witnessing the truth of a particular generation AND demographic that has NOT A THING to do with skin color or race as much as it does with pure ignorance. As much as I want to fight for ALL women, there are some who have, in my current and temporary locale have decided that because I say “FUCK” a lot – that somehow, I am evil.

Okay -so maybe I might not be the most sinless fucker on this planet but I live truly and by my words. I do not reneg on my word, and I do not make an effort to come across to anyone as anything other than clearly and in plain black and white English – and in lots of cases, that black and white English is peppered with language that we were all told would get us sent to the hell of the god that our parents would use against us to guilt us into being sinless.

I promise you – all of you – it was not that you were a fucking tramp, but, that your mom was ashamed of what she was told as a younger woman and because of what she went through, you went through it too. It is not your fault that she was scared to turn it into the truth (because she believed that shit for so long and was terrified that you would make her look bad…and yes, of course – she probably did not want you to ruin your life….) and at the same time, a lot of women who are my age and are part of my generation had the hardest time rectifying the idea that we had a lot of shit to say, that we were the generation of women that, when we were kids, we were told one thing, were given the idea that girl-power ruled, and then….lots of our moms got sick, chronically.

Of course they did – lots of them were gnawing a steady diet of crow, of humble pie, of shit that they never really knew what to say, to anyone, but specifically that other demographic that was horribly unenlightened and who are all wistfully hoping that they will live long enough to watch their grandsons disrespect Native American elders…

…yeah I the fuck went there….

I said the shit, so fuckinʻ deal with it – it is 2019, and folks, it is time that all of us grew up and stopped getting so asshurt about what we donʻt like. We are so good at knowing what we do not like that we do not know what the fuck it is that we DO like.

I like to talk, and write, and communicate, and I like to speak and write and converse about the Truth and I like to create and conjure the Truths that not a lot of us cares to state, know, hear, accept – and the truth is right now that women are again being played, or at least people are trying hard to play us and people are getting mad – man people and demented types who stand by their unenlightened man who end up with a pill habit and have perfected the far away glance …because they hate their lives.

Donʻt tread on me

There are a lot of women on this planet who are not aware of the idea that it is okay to let loose from time to time, that it is fine that you do things that most folks do not want us to do, or say, or feel like or think about.

I happen to be a very BIG supporter of having a clue and an original thought and ladies….I like to say the word FUCK a lot, and a lot of times, I can hear women….you know what kind…behaving as though I just poked them in the eye with a dirty hypodermic needle, acting as if what I merely SAID was somehow something to judge me for.

To those women I have this to say…

Seriously…get the fuck over yourselves.

It gets old when you hags turn around and make an ugly facial expression just because you heard me or my almost 21 year old daughter say the word FUCK, as though your 21 year old daughter was quoting Bible verses in response to it. It gets old when you hear this shit being talked about you and all you are doing is walking past the health club, doing your own workout, and not giving a good god damn about what it is that you are judging me for – you have no right, and I have no time.

In fact – none of us really has the kind of time that it took you and takes you to form an opinion of anyone else who you want to judge harshly, simply for the FACT that some of us moms on this planet are not about to stifle our kids, specifically our daughters, from doing the thing that I was told was mine to do, which is form an original thought.

Sometimes, that thought comes with Truths that your sorry ass cannot handle, and that, my dears, is not mine to deal with.

You want someone to kiss your ass

You want someone to agree with you all the time

You want to find other people of like mind with you and who are unwilling to come out of the false safety that is gathering the rest of the women in your circle and which agrees with all of the shit that you have to say about women like me. You are far worse when you see my daughter and I walk past, and you like to talk shit as though we do not hear you.

I promise you…we hear you, and the fun part is that you are right.

We ARE walking past, on purpose, and we ARE trying to make you pay attention but NOT to the thing that you wish you were, nor that you wonʻt ever be….

Brave

Nah….I am not picking on you – what I Am doing is showing you the Truth, or at least the other side of it.

It is the side that you do not realize is for all of us, and is the side that we all have, that we cannot deny for the entirety of our lives, because all of us, on some level, have had the best reasons as to why we blurt out the word FUCK

I say it because I Am angry, not with the world, and not with anyone in particular -but with the same thing that just keeps on burning a hole in our collective psyche …

…because we were born female, we are supposed to not have a thing to say at all to anyone, about how we feel or how it feels when someone NOT female tries to take away our right to freedom of expression…and this includes the freedom to express who we are, no matter what.

#SheSaidFUCK

Nah

It isnʻt some sort of televised movement about things that happen to our bodies – all it is is what it is ….

Yeah…hell yeah steal it

Share it

Show it to your mom, your grandmother, your daughters, sisters, cousins….ladies – open your mouth and tell the world how you feel. Do not let anyone tell you how you feel, and do not let someone elseʻs problem with who they are make it so that you have a problem with what you have to say and what you like to do and mostly, who you are for real.

With the way that things have been in this world lately, I am certain that there is way more that we can worry about OTHER than what people are saying, wearing, doing that makes them happy. You should pay attention more to your own okole, and let the okoles of others keep walking the fuck on by WITHOUT your nosy ass having shit to say.

I donʻt care that you say what you have to, but I DO care that you say it like I cannot hear it, meaning that since you mean to offend, you also mean for others to hear it.

What other people say is none of our business, but, they say it anyway,  and when it comes to our being offended by it, most of them have the same shit to say to us – “Oh well, that is just the way it is..” and no, the fuck it is not.

Women have been told who to be, how to be, how to behave and what to say.

So go ahead and say it – say what you want to say, namely when it has to do with your body rights, when it has to do with equal rights, when it has to do with the way that you are, has to do with the things that you, alone, believe and are not asking anyone to agree with and more, to have an opinion about.

Shout it out, babies – say it loud and proud and make those words scream and jam and screech like a sumbitchinʻ crow at the top of a tree  –  speak your Truth, girls, and make no apologies for it, and whatever you do, Be You, at all times….

Share this widely, and with everyone you know….

#SheSaidFUCK #LosAngelesKahunaRox #ReverendRoxie22 #SoulFusion22 #TheCottellWitches #ThreeTimesThree #StrongHealthyAndBadAss

 

IPV: Itʻs Personal…

 

For me, the issue with Domestic Violence are personal, but, for indigenous women the world over, it is not just the reasons anyone thinks it is that some of us stay….

Family is everything. 

That is the mantra, the thing that we have impressed upon us – all of us – for the majority time of our lives…that our family is everything.

But what about when it is that the “normalcy” of domestic violence is misunderstood by those in the position to help as being the same as everyone else? What about when there are other things and ways of being and things we have been taught about from the time that we were very tiny children?

What about when there is a set of people who, for reasons of cultural solidarity, you, as an abused woman, just eat it in terms of why it is any woman stays in an abusive relationship?

It is because this is how we are raised…

No – not to be victims, but – to keep the family together, at any cost. And people just tend to think that we, as Maoli women, specifically those like me who are native by blood, are somehow weak because we do not “stand up” for ourselves.

Let me tell you what – we DO stand up for ourselves, and we DO make a noise about it and ultimately, for a whole lot of us, we also end up being ignored.

This is the sad, sad truth.

I know that there are people who are tsk tsking me right now, believing that I ought to shut up and believing that no matter what – DV is a private family matter, rather than an actual social issue, an actual womenʻs issue, an actual issue that ought to be as public as is the issue that we have with telling women that they cannot terminate a pregnancy that is caused during  sexual assault. It is not a private matter, not when there are laws in place, and not when we are granted rights that during the time of Womenʻs Suffrage were fought for….

…and even then, during those times that those women were championing the rights of women to be equal, the truth is that we were so not, and if you think we are equal in the eyes of the patriarchal world…think again.

I donʻt want anyone thinking that I am not championing all women because I Am but, the thing that no one thinks about, the thing that does not happen to be a thought in anyoneʻs head is that the women of my culture are dying at an alarming rate. I have stated it again and again – as it stands, a lot of my fellow Kanaka Maolis are chronically ill with things like heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, COPD and stroke – and for at least 33 women out of 100 (as officially reported by medical professionals), there exists in their lives the ugliness that is violence imparted onto them …onto one of us…by their partner. 

I was 22 when the physical violence started….

…and no matter how many people to whom I am related (but refusing to speak to) and who want to minimize and have minimized what personal experiences that I have had with being victimized in marriage – no matter the fuck what…that shit still happened to me, and that shit will not ever be anything other than the thing that fuels my rage, fuels my passion for making a big fat noise about violence against the family because in my opinion, that is really what IPV is – it is an assault on the family and the sort that no one (still) wants to talk about. 

And in my culture, we are taught, there is nothing more important than the family unit, and by this I am talking about the ENTIRE family.

When I first brought this issue to my mother, she was devastated. I was told by her my whole life that “our” men donʻt do that to our women. I had no idea that she was talking about our HAWAIIAN men donʻt do that.

Then, in 2002, one of “our” men did this shit to one of our women. Her name was Mahealani. She was the person who created ʻOiwi Journal, of which I was part of the collaborative entries to that anthology. My memory fails me in much other than hearing it for myself from someone who worked with her on this annual project that, since then, and because of my own life and everything at that time that was going on, the only thing that I am able to recall is that the voice on the phone told me that this lovely human being had been taken from us in the most horrific way – at the hands of her coward of a spouse who also took his own life. 

When I approached my family about it, it seemed as though the only thing that  mattered was that I not make too much of what happened to me, what continued to happen to me, and to this day, at least in my memories and because I recently went through violence attempted on my person at the trying of my kid sister…the only thing that it seemed any of them (other than a handful of cousins and my brother) truly cared about was that I not go announcing it to the world that I was being abused.

I promise you all that I did not listen to them.

…eʻōlelo i kekahi mea (say something)

That photo of the battered young woman is of  me in 1992, October, taken by a family member who, these days, has also chosen to turn her back, all because I chose to do what I could to finally help ME get better from all of the abuses that I was treated to up until 2017 when my only daughter was who my ex assaulted, all over her telling him that he needed to go outside to smoke, that she was not  moving for him and that if he wanted to smoke on the side of the house that he preferred he could do like he told her to do all the time and go through the other door.

He did not like hearing that, so, at 6:30 in the morning, July 24th, 2017, which is Gracieʻs little brotherʻs birthdate, her father chose to put hands on her in a violent manner.

PD showed up.

They told us to get a restraining order. They said the injury was nothing to prompt them to take him in (but if it had been the other way around, I guarantee it that it would have been HER to have gone to jail…keep reading..). Instead we were instructed to go get a restraining order.

We did.

He violated it within 9 hours of it being served and arrested by the same officers who had served the order.

He violated it, and kept violating it and to this day, even as I have MANY complaints to that specific police department….my ex is still a free man, even with all of those violations. To this day the police, nor the courts still have done anything about the violations. To this day I liken it that the local PD in that town have just let this go, as though Gracie and I never went through anything at all that would make it that he would be where he needs to be, which is locked up.

To this day, that family that I am writing about and who is not part of my life anymore or at this time…to this day some of them are still talkinʻ a LOT of shit about not only something that have no fucking clue about the reality of but more, are still talking shit about people who they also do not know…specifically me, my kids, my partner and my friends. Part of me believes that it is because I have come out of the broom closet after a lifetime of feeling left out – all because I refuse to be the person who MANY of them not only feel themselves to be better than me and my family but more, because of what and who I Am –  and believe it when I tell you all that there are no two tiny pebble shits worth of a fuck that I give in terms of my being dead to them – I promise they are as dead to me.

…and yeah…I Am choosing it this way.

What the hell would anyone believe that I would want more abuse handed to me by them? Why would I want them to be able to take further credit for his being gone by means of what my daughter, rather than my damned …relative…who put it in writing that they are who put themselves out there, rather than my beautiful kid?

Bear in mind that the ex and I – we do not talk, and for a very long time, he paid strict attention to the court orders….until…

Until, I assume, my family, of origin even, at least two of them, for sure one of them (by his stating so to me and not in so many words…) that I was not going to be around for a few weeks – because theyʻd had me arrested, put in county jail (which was no small deal for me to get through with my issues with PTSD, that all of them knows about), meaning that I would have been out of the way, allowing him to do what I assume he was told to come to the house for – which was to cause more violence on my son-in-law and my partner.

They were not prepared for me to have been bailed out by my kids, partner, and friends at school. They were not prepared for me to actually care about my kids, my partner, and neither my friends at school – and neither were they at all prepared for me to stand up for my own family like I did and like I still do and will always…. 

I will not tell anyone reading this about the details. The details are too many to deal with and the details make me cry and the details make me wonder what the hell it was that they wanted me around for OTHER than one person who would be the Devil in their born again hell.

Meanwhile…after Lynwood

I was being driven home to Pomona where we all lived at the time, by my hanai niece at the Arise program at my college and told then what had occurred. I was a mixed bag of emotions, and to this day none of what (primarily) I assume (yeah…right – I Am Kahuna and NOTHING is a “good guess” for me…keep reading…) was caused in my life that would bring me to this point where I have had to do what feels like starting even my schooling all over again….by one of my siblings, and not my brother.

Fast forward to now when it was brought to me recently that pretty much, I have been thought, assumed, believed to have gotten over all of the shit that I went through, and all of the shit that I have had to eat, and all of the shit that not one other person who I share DNA with and who do not call me Mom, and to a VERY limited extent “Cuzzzzzz” or niece or Auntie ….and no I will not divulge who it was who did not realize the very depth and realness of the hurts that were caused to me, my kids, my partner and a lot of people who are in disbelief that this is what happened to us, all of us, and given that those people KNOW that this is NOT the way that they specifically saw our family behave.

I will just boldly state it out in the open now….what those people witnessed is me and my relatives living by the rules of dead people – LOTS of dead people.

I understand that family ought to mean everything, but, what about when it seems like, to that family, what is most important is holding on to the same shitty ways of being that were there for all of our lives, and what about when it is that just because that family does not want to accept that one of their own is not doing more to keep everyone else happy (and fuck me and my fears, my healing, my kids, my partner, my life – right?…Fuck all of us and what we were doing to actually get the hell out of there, right? Riiiiiight…and I have the fuckinʻ paperwork to prove it- ALL OF IT) even though all of those people knew what was going on…it was as though they believed that I liked what was happening to me, to my parents, to my kids…to my fuckinʻ life.

I could go on and on about how it made me feel to be treated that way, and while I cannot fault anyone for thinking that any one of us would be over it, I have to state now that the thing no one thinks about in terms of violence at the familial level is that the violence that happens inside of a marriage and the violence that happens inside of a relationship – ANY relationship – begins by being normalized in childhood.

The way that it is normalized is to make it that way. The way to make it normal is to create it in the heads of children that what they are witnessing, even when it bothers them, even when it makes them uncomfortable, even when it means that they will end up being a bad things decades later is to dismiss the idea that children, at any age, are more important than some damned cultural thing that a lot of families in my culture have used for generations to keep control over the individuals within that family, or, because for a long time – the emotional and verbal abuses that happen through name calling, bullying of children by the adults they are meant to trust, and outdated rules that only apply if a person is indentured. 

No child is or should feel like they are an indentured person, and no female or male in any family is meant to be the one who is the very good example of what is a very bad example.

I was.

I Am.

I Am fine with it – because of it, I am the very one who no one can state is lying, because as is the truth – the black sheep is the one in the family who is labeled as being different, because we are, and that difference is that we are the ones who see through the crap that is familial expectation.

It is expected that we are going to tow whatever line it is that has been set out for us, and it is expected that when we do not like something, that we will not speak up. It is the black sheep who, for whatever intent and purpose it is that we have, is the one who is set as the one who is to be disdained, the one for whom there is no reason given by us and the only thing that we know how to do is be a pain in the ass and usually this is due to the fact that we are not able to lie, and neither are we able to deal with it when we are not okay with something that is happening.

I was that person.

I Am still that person.

I am the one who was told horrific things and the one who lived down to the idea that there had to be a sacrificial lamb. While I am not seeking sympathy, I am stating now that what you are reading is the truth – MY TRUTH, and for all of my life, it was the truth that was the reality and not the truth that someone else told me was the only truth. I was told without being told that the only truth was that which was agreed upon by the group.

When I dared have an original thought it was not good, but, when it was that I was being abused, and when I dared with the idea that I felt, even then, that it was because I heard a lot of people telling me what they would do if they were in the position that I found myself in, that they would leave and it would be easy, that they would be able to keep their jobs, that they would not have ended up with the bruises because as per usual, the majority of people who do not know what it is like to get the shit beat out of you when you are not expecting it (but were also not raised to have to think that it could happen to you…)

All of my life I was given the impression that I was not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, this or that enough. When I was growing up I was constantly seeking validation from my parents and always, even though I know that they neither were encouraged to be their true selves (because that meant going apart from what were familial rules and expectations) I always felt like I had a reason to feel like I did. It ainʻt like anyone told me anything else. The  message that I received, that was told to me, sometimes outright, most of the time in the unconscious messages that were drilled into my brain that was the one thing that has stayed with me all these years later and that I, myself, am doing all that I can to reverse that damage.

…damage that I did not deserve, nor ask for, that no one who is victimized deserves, neither asks for, and since we ALL KNOW that this is the truth?

Why in the fuck can we not just get our shit together and accept that this is how we have, some of us, been raised – mistrusting, resentful, bitter as hell and hurting like a son of a bitch…all because of control and a misguided sense of what is actual personal power.

The way that I have heard it be told – Hawaiians…we are the very epitome, for the most part, of what is supposed to be the Aloha Soul of the world. Some of us never get that part of all of this – some of us are still trying so hard to be everything that we are not, and in that energy of trying to be what we are not, we lose a sense of our selves in that we try hard to keep up with a way of being that not one human being could keep up with.

There is no one else Maoli on this planet who will be able to tell me that I donʻt know what the hell I am talking about, and there will be a lot of them who will state that my family is right in stating that I am crazy and that I belong locked up in the nuthouse (said to me in those very words) and there will be those of us who will tell me that we are more importantly trying to set out collective global identity but, I have to ask you, all of you – are you sure that this is what you want to show the world of us?

Are you sure that you want to continue to hide behind the smile and the dance, the music and the laughter, without also making certain that your aunties, your tutu ladies, your sistah, mother, daughter, the lady who works at the Hasegawa Store – are you sure?

Are you sure that you can ignore the cries of the collective of Native Women the world over, and not only our natives – BUT ALL NATIVE WOMEN??? Are you sure?

To EVERY Native Person, Man, Woman, Child, Spirit….

We were not born to continue to make certain that the only rules that we live by also include those ones that tell us to keep quiet the ugly things that happen in our lives. We have to be brave enough to stand up and tell the truth, even if it is about someone with whom we share blood ties – when the fuck was it that you were put into this lifetime so that someone else ….a couple of someone elses….get to decide what traditions get kept and which ones are good enough to be changed?

If those who impose these things on you are the ones who have imposed these things on you for all of your life, you are being told by Spirit…and by Me…that you have the right to disagree with being treated as though you were born to beg for the love of people who made sure to it that all of your little lives, and then your adolescent lives, then your young adult lives, and maybe even now, that you believed you were not good enough, right enough, pretty enough, loving enough, this or that enough, that you believed that because  you chose to speak your mind, perhaps even as a child, and might have been correct all those times you were told you were not…you were not meant to be abused, and you were not meant to go through the things that scream loudly of their broken selves.

You were not supposed to go through that, and you did, and I did, and we all did, and here we are – survivors, all of us.

You survived that shit, and that time in your lives, for a reason. It might not be the reason that you believed when it all began for you, and it might even be a completely different reason than you had when you began to believe that you were not placed here by anyoneʻs god to be the sacrificial lamb to be treated like shit and then blamed for it, all so that no one else would have to deal with what they told you when you were growing up, all because they did not, themselves, have it in them to tell whoever was doing these same things to them to knock their shit off.

I might not now have the support of those people, but, based on the things that have happened to me over the course of my life, and based on how much I went through, and how much I survived, and also on how many times it was that I had to clean up the family gossip about me that no one else believed was not the truth until the truth could no longer be kept hidden as a lie, and a lie that earned many of us the thing that I have been given, all because they chose to believe apart from what it was that was all about me instead of all about me trying hard to make anyone stop bullying me….I probably never have.

And I probably never have because no matter what I did well, it was not good enough, or it was “good, but,” and sometimes it was just “really awful.”

And sometimes, those things were said about me, about who I Am, and more about who I have not ever been.

This is the truth – abuse in relationships never starts within the relationship, but rather within the time that we call “childhood” that some of us spend trying hard to figure out, from a very young age, just exactly what it feels like, or even means to be “good enough,” and what it feels like to be enough, period. Some of us spent our time as kids trying hard not to cry, and then when we got a lot older we figured out that the reasons why we cried back then are the very reasons why we all still cry.

We cry and drink or cry and do drugs or cry through every bad relationship we have, regardless of what kind of relationship it is or with whom – we never get to feel like we are enough. Some of us spent our lives in fear of a god who we were expected to trust and those like me who know there is another side of consciousness and who knew that the angels had her back but never really thought that the god i grew up with would turn his back on me in my times of turmoil and need.

The god who I grew up with never heard me, even though I cried out, plenty of times, to save me from savage discipline with a belt or a wooden spoon, from hearing about how stupid I was, or that I was no good at following orders (but phenomenal at following instructions…) or that I was every possible thing that anyone would foul a childʻs thinking with just to keep control of said child who rarely did anything to get into trouble but get into trouble I did do, apparently.

It is frightening to me to see the posts about how many people believe that they were hit with a belt or a wooden spoon, an open hand many several times on any uncovered skin an adult could find, who were called names for the ignorance that is actually innocence as children that too many angry fucked up adults take away from those tiny little people with big giant feelings and bigger hearts….it is frightening to me, really, to see how many people really believe that they “grew up just fine” after it all….

No.

No you did not.

You grew up believing that this is normal, right and good parenting. You grew up hating these things happening to you but you believed it to be normal.

You grew up thinking these things were right and good and proper…biblical, even…

Then one day, your cousin or your sister or your daughter or your friend…or anyone….came to you and told you what was happening, and you decided that it was not that bad, that they could just leave, that it was not the way that it was told to you (thereby making it a lie)….but, at least they came to you.

And yeah…at least by that time, being shamed, told that it was not that bad (because you did not just get up and leave, meaning that you liked the abuse – fuck you if this is what you think is the truth…), going through the verbal and emotional crap that you now know is the thinking that these people you grew up with believe is the best way

I Am The Picture, both literally, as I posted with this article, and figuratively, as a whole lot of people now at least have yet one more among the many of the stories of the cycle of violence in the lives of our Native Women…

Our Tutu Ladies, our Aunties, Our Sistahs, Our Keikihine…Our Abuelitas, Our Tias, Our Primasʻ, Our Mijas…and Our Grandmothers, Our Aunts, Our Sisters, Our Daughters….

Our Women, from sea to shining Sea….

Stop the Fuckinʻ Violence already

It ainʻt fuckinʻ cool…

#KnockYourShitOffPeople #LosAngelesKahunaRox #UnsilenceTheViolence #NoMoreFloatingLeis #TheRockin9th #PTSD #SURVIVORtoTHRIVER #StrongHealthyAndBadAss 

 

 

The AfterMomming: When They Get Old Enough…

 

Preparing for the AfterWards….

You have all each seen these kids in photos with me throughout the course of the last couple of years, and posted in all of my blogs at one time or another.

They have been my joy for 24 years now, and while there are things that they have done that have made me both proud and also made me want to run and hide to cry, there is never a day that has gone by or will go by that will ever, I hope, make them feel like I did not do all I could for them when I could do things for them. They are all older now, and no I do not feel like an old bat, even though I say it about myself at school…

Because we are that generation of mothers who marked the end of what was then and at that time, the oppression that was made ours through the women who did not know any better…the women who we, ourselves, called Mom…is now at its end point….Astrologically, even, and according to Dr. Loretta Standley…

So, I know there are whole lot of women on this planet who are not sure what the hell they want to do with themselves and their lives after they have raised their kids and sent them out into this great big world.

I used to be one of them. I want you to each and all stop judging yourselves for not thinking about what the hell it is that you want to do for yourself, in that time that will be your eventual Now Moment….which is that moment that came for me just a few months ago.

I love my kids. They have been my Life for 24 years. I cannot remember what it is like to not have them be in contact with me, even from far, far away.  I have been there for them, Am there for them, WILL ALWAYS BE THERE for Them….they know this in their bones.

but I forgot…neglected, even, and did not even think to pose it as a question to myself…a question that had many more components which require many more answers, thereby making it not a question, but, an outline.

An outline whose words will reveal to me, did reveal to me, the thing that I Became, even through the violence of body, mind, heart, soul, person…Me….telling Me My Own Story. My Own Story included returning to school for the third time…because I Am That, as well…one of those Magickal Women 

For a very long time I was scared – I did not know what the hell it was that I would do for myself once it was that my kids were old enough to be by themselves at home, let alone in the world.

It is not something that we moms do not think about from the moment that we know they are going to be in our lives – what the hell are we going to do for ourselves once it is that they have learned to wipe their own ass, and then further, what the hell do we do with ourselves, and our time, our talents and our gifts – once it is that the kids no longer need us?

The answer is never easy.

I chose to study behavior. It is where the Magick Part of Me, the Scientist, is allowed free reign – no, not at school, but feeling very well at home as my very intelligent Self at School.

I chose a very long time ago to delve into the deeper inclinations of human behavior, chose, more than one time, to continue my education and this time – the third set of degrees – will be the one that ends with a Doctorate in Behavioral Science …because why?

Because it is my place in this lifetime, alongside a lot of others, to help guide other women back to their Truth in Self…and it is never an easy thing to do….

…no, not figure out what you want to be when you are done raising kids.

You are already what it is that you are going to be, which is Yourself.

And you as Yourself, because for at least 18 years of your own life, you have been wearing the name “Mom” and it fit…are no longer just and only Mom. Eventually, you also wore the name “Auntie” and “Miss” but, overall, when you first found out that you would be experiencing bringing life into this world, immediately you were only thinking about that child, and then possibly thought about more children later on, leading to the group of kids in your life who call you Mom. Always, the kids in the photos that you see that look a whole lot like me are the people who call me that – they call me Mom, and I am fierce as that person in their lives, even as right at this time in my own life there are a lot of things that are different for me…yes, even with that person who I, myself, call Mom.

But, unlike my own Mother, the last thing that I will be carrying on is the idea that once they are no longer in need of me to teach them how to pee, read, eat, shower, dress, LIVE  on their own that I am useless as anything or anyone else.

I found out, in no uncertain terms, that I Am NOT who I was raised to Become.

I Am Who I Chose to Become, and that tends to irritate a lot of people. It is hard for people to think about how to change their vocabulary, because in doing we change the way that we feel about certain words. When I tell people that words are powerful, I mean that exactly.

There is a reason that it is called SPELLing…and why I am so damned good at it…it has, it is taking me a long time to actually THINK about it…I was raised to be “Against” what religion at that time taught us all. We were told things out of fear and believed them because we were taught to be blind to things that we do not understand. At the same time, ours was the generation of mothers who impressed upon my generation the importance of being well educated. In their ignorance, many of them mistake, still, the term “well read” for “educated.”

Collectively, we listened to our mothers, and we learned to read, and to write, and to do mathematical equations and learned how to reason through science and experimentation….our mothers, many of them, mine for sure, might not have said it but they were not that well learned about what it was that we wanted for ourselves.

We wanted to be smart…so we got that way, and we kept getting that way, and keep getting that way. We are in a lot of pain, collectively, and it is because we chose awareness over ignorance. We chose to be smarter, and we chose, for them even, to be fierce, even though we might have had to be Brave through it all, let the tears fall where they did and do and remind ourselves that it is this important.

This is the message that my specific generation of moms and presiding women in the collective lives of children want the world to know -NO….we are not just the moms of the world, not just that next set of future old ladies who will sit around playing fuckinʻ bingo whilst utilizing what troll doll mojo we think we need in order to win that gift basket filled with ugly Christmas sweaters, getting on to what I have christened as being the iHop Party Bus (hahahahah Line 492 West hahahahahahahaaa) so that they can hurry off to the next middle of the day play and buffet….hahahaha…ya donʻt  fuckin say hahahahaa, right?

No no no…my specific generation is that generation of moms who either had moms just as rabid as we are about our daughterʻs rights, or, are the very opposite of us and who need to be taught about this one thing – we were not ever meant to JUST be mothers, because in believing that, we are JUST meant to become lesser than who we are for real, and right now that is the energy of this planet….it is all out war on women and well….

 

 

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Not on your life, people…never now, never ever….

No, this is not my saying anything to anyone OTHER than those who would just as soon thing that the next thing that you read will make even MORE sense now when you ask yourself why it is that you feel so guilty in wanting something JUST for yourself?

You shouldnʻt feel that way.

I did.

I donʻt now.

I thought I would but I know that I canʻt because like every other time it mattered to me I would have to think about things for a long couple of days and nights and I would have to see myself inside of that issue in some manner – becoming part of the issue so that I can recall what it was like to become part of the solution, and it was all the same.

I chose for ME this time….without guilt even…

That is not a bad thing, at all.

I guess I must remind you each and all, mothers, daughters, teachers, aunts, everyone….one day, you are all going to be facing this same question, and just to think about it for a moment, I actually sat here thought about that question….What are you going to do for YOU now, lady? 

Well, I Am doing it.

And I Am going to keep doing it.

I am going to keep on encouraging people to stay focused on those things that enrich themselves as well as others, to keep on caring for the world in which you each and all live and remember that it is different than momming it all…you are not required to do that.

You are more than that.

You are more than just who you are to each person who you hold closeness with.

I Am More than just their Mom, like I Am more than just His Pineapple Girl, and More than just a Twin Fish, and More than just his sister…I Am More Than I Am Prepared to Accept That I Am….because itʻs a whole fuckinʻ lot more than even This Pisces thought She Was….

…and still does not know what the big deal is about a whole lot of things…and it doesnʻt matter because I Am Me.

I Am This Me….not a New Me….just This Me….

And that is what I believe we all need to do for ourselves first…..

The answer is I Love This Me….that is what I am going to do for me now…just Love Being This Me…

Astrologically, it makes sense. Which neurologically makes me feel lots more at peace about things….

Not because I answered anything but because I tried to…

That is all any of us can do is try…so try it

Try Being Aware of Who You Are To YOU now….

#AlohaMaiE

 

…pray with me (please)…

…In My Weakness, I Am Made Strong…

Dear Everyone…

I Am asking for the world to pray with me.

I Am desirous of being okay, and am, in so many ways, not feeling like I will be okay again.

I have been through a whole lot.

Life is filled with things and events that I have no control over, but the thing that I have control over is how I feel….most of the time, but how I feel right now is less than the way that I care to feel, is the way that I have denied myself from feeling for a very long time.

Something about Being Strong….I Am Very Strong….but I Am Very Tired, too.

There are times when I could just Be Weak, but then, it would just throw me into that mindset where I HAVE TO BE strong.

I am tired of being strong.

I want to be ….a woman…about things…because that is what I Am….a very tired Woman who needs the world to pray with her and for her right now.

Right now, I suppose is how I Am showing whatever is my weakness.

Right now it feels like I am opened wide in the Soul.

Right now I am feeling ENORMOUS emotional pain, the sort that makes a person just want to not see the light of day….for a long set of days.

It is sufficient to say that this depression shit is kicking me hard, is making me think things that I do not care to think, and things that took me a long set of years to convince myself I Am….and one of those things that I Am is Strong but right now….

….I do not want to be strong…

I do not want to be strong.

I want to cry.

I want to let the rain fall from my eyes and into my lap like they have been doing for a long time now, and I want to envelope myself in the safety that is the darkness of my soul and I want to just not feel anything, anymore.

I know better than to allow that feeling and that sensation to “win”….right now it is hard for me to think clearly about a lot of things OTHER than school….I Am a Brain Goddess there…the Queen Mum of the Cool Kids with a high GPA…I Am the Me who I would be there.

In the rest of my life? Yeah….I want to trust what I know is the Truth, about anything, and I want to feel safe in the knowledge that people will just do the right thing, and maybe my ideals are skewed in what is, and what is not, the “right” things to do, to think, to say, to make manifest….it is not like I wanted to manifest these events, or these feelings, because I KNOW that I Am my Very Best Student of All Things Divine and Sacred…

I feel like the things that I have said and the things that I want to say are all the same things, and I feel, at times, like I am being ignored, starved for the things that are desired by all of us, like I give and give and give…my word, my truth, my life, my Self, and sometimes, I just feel like I am running on empty. I feel like the only thing that I have to share with other people are shitty things that happen to me, and when that happens, I also feel like I am bothering people, because my story does not change and for the life of me, it feels like I cannot get out of any of this, even with help.

It feels like no matter how many times I have changed the story, no matter how many times I have taken the time to change the energies, no matter how many times I have looked at any situation with an open mind that even when I do not think the thought that this shit is going to just stay like it is…. I cannot get ahead, and I cannot get out of my head, and I cannot NOT want things to be different.

I cannot sit here feeling like I have done enough (because, you know, I am here to save the world….no I am not) and I cannot sit here crying for the rest of my life, because this shit is not going to last that long…but still….I am trying so hard to be Strong, but all I feel like is that I am weak, like I am a burden, like there was something that I did that I do not recall having done that made things be the way that they are.

It feels like all the shitty things that I went through when I was a kid are still there and happening, and that all the things that I did not know that anyone else expected of me are somehow the things that are getting in the way now (because apparently and karmically I am somehow the poster child for the Universal FUCK YOU and always will be, and one fucking word about me whining and I am GOING TO get VERY CRAFTY on people….this writing is not a joke….laughing at me is just going to prove me RIGHT again, and I am certain that people KNOW that when it comes to working hard on oneʻs life, it is NOT A JOKE TO ME)

(And PLEASE save the words from coming to me in ANY form that I need to breathe…all I DO IS BREATHE and all I GET IS COTTONMOUTH – WITHOUT THE WEED….)

There are so many things that I have wanted, that I have asked for, that I have worked towards, that I have been the best at whatever I could have been at those times, even when it was that it also felt like my entire world was pushing against me, making it seem like the things that I worked so hard to have could just be taken away from me, by anyone, but mostly my peace of mind, and when I think about that much, I find that that is the thing that has eluded me the most, for the most of my life.

Right now, I would like peace of mind…and money…and security with others, because apparently the thing that I teach others to create are the very things that no matter how many times I try for me at the personal level – where it is my efforts meant for my fucking god damned self, fails.

It fails and makes me feel like a fucking failure, too – I mean…who the hell does any of us know OTHER THAN ME who gives everything she is to everything that she does, for herself or anyone at all, only for those things to feel like they come up short, every time?

The feelings of being stupid are there and prevalent, of being just not enough are there and looming and it feels like it all has a different face, a different personality, a different motive and that none of it is for me but for others to protect themselves from me, because the only thing that I know to do is to tell the truth.

The truth is that I am staring at yet another holiday season where my kids will not have anything under a tree that will not be wherever we are because we are busy trying hard to not fall apart, and we are busy trying to not to tear each other apart, and we are busy being selfish, I guess, and self centered, and we are busy just not thinking about anyone else but our god damned own selves, and why does it feel like I just cannot do that?

Why does it feel like I just cannot think about ME first?

Ever?

Am I that bad, guys?

Am I that bad, so much so, that I sometimes feel like no matter what the fuck I do, nothing good will come from it, because look at how things happened for me, all on my own, from a very young age, and when the fuck was it my turn to be rewarded for being a good human being by being given more and more to deal with, as if I want to, regardless if I Am Able to….

…and why is it so like pulling teeth for me to be both fine and good on my own and at the same time feeling like the shittiest person on the planet, simply because I could not save everyone from the things that I, myself, have no no NO control over, even and at times the way that I feel about me….like right this moment when I feel like I am sitting in this energy that makes me feel like I have to do something to make things right….

…but right for whom?

Me?

I donʻt even know how to do that much…because I have been answering the energy that is my mother in my head, that is my Nana in my mindʻs eyes, doing things for others all the time without expectation that I will receive those energies back, and like a dumb fuck I act like I can do without those things, but, right this moment when the New Moon in Scorpio is about to kick in, I am sitting here in tears.

It might be that since Scorpio makes things be this way so that we can recognize it all is why, and maybe it is because I Am supposed to learn how to not feel this way, or maybe it is that time in my life that, because of the moon, I am having to let go of this feeling and the pattern that brought it to me, and maybe that is what the Scorpio energy for me right now is making me feel – maybe I am supposed to feel this way so that I can get rid of the notion that I cannot ask for help….because that is what I am doing right this moment. 

I am reaching out to the world and asking the world to embrace my shattered soul, and I am asking that the world please pray for me, pray that I can deal with all of this pain and pray, please, for gentleness, rather than what I have been met with for far too long now.

Pray, please, that I can stop crying, that I will stop worrying about things that I have no control of the outcome of, that I can just stop being or trying to Be Good at all times and just be a god damned human female being who is going through a whole LOT of shit right now, and it is shit that it seems no one thinks that I go through.

I go through it all the time.

Like all other women, I want things to be lovely, and I want things to be what they used to be but even I am aware that the past is back there and nothing can be done about it. I am aware that the future is not here yet, and that the only thing that I can exact on it is my own will for my own self…not anyone else, just me, and yeah – each time I have done that, where I, alone and on my own is concerned, it fucking falls apart.

I take care of my life. No one can ever say that I never have. It is all that I seem to be doing and knowing how to do – take care of my fucking life.

Sometimes it feels like I Am Able to cut loose and get wild again, but it also feels like that part of me has died….like that Me is somehow no longer allowed to surface because inevitably it gets cut off and shut down and I am left with the pieces that always seem needing to be glued back together. It feels like I have forgotten how to be a goof, have become horrifically ….cardboard-like….as if I am bereft of emotion, bereft of the need for healing and no longer able to grab a part of the joy that once was the thing that was so easily seen by others in me, that to hear that it is still there seems like a foreign language to me because I left to wonder how the hell ANYONE could still see That Version of Me.

The moment that I state these things, it is as if I am talking about anyone else but me, and right now I can actually truly state that it is the new moon that is making this happen – making me shed the former energy that I am not allowed, by right of my ordination, by right of my inner self as warrior woman, as unsinkable – more so than the Unsinkable Molly Brown –  and I know that there will be people who will read this who will think it is because of them that I feel like this, but that is not the truth either.

What is the truth is that there are people on this planet who thought so little of me, for a long time, and what happened there is that I trusted them to embrace me as me, and not expect me to be able to weather the storm that a girl who i used to be needed her family to have her back, to shield her from the nastiness of the world by telling her the truth. Instead, her family told her the fairy tale version of Life, where the stork brings the babies, and women do not like sex because we are told what we like and who we love and we are made to believe that without the rest of the world to be there for us and approve of us, we are nothing.

I could blame it on them, but, right now I am busy blaming the ills of the world on myself, because I am supposed to be able to save the world without getting tired, without my wingʻs getting somehow broken in flight….

Hehe….wings….

How in the fuck does anyone see wings, when really, it is a broomstick?

#PuleAlohaForRevRox22

Dear Everyone with a Pulse….

Hoʻonānā….pay attention

I was initially going to address the dads of the world, and not just any world, but the worlds that are ours and private and that no one else has access to.

But I am not a dad.

I Am a Mom.

In the photo, the then 3 year old clinging to my leg is my only daughter. She is now an adult.

There are only a few people on the planet who mean as much to me as does this girl…her brothers, and of course, my partner….they mean the very world to me, and they know it.

I am writing on THEIR behalf today…so please – hoʻonānā – pay attention.

Hoʻonānā …Pay Attention….

This young woman is my daughter.

Her name is Grace.

She simultaneously hates this picture, and loves this picture – she is a beautician, and that is the reason why she hates this photo. She is not all made up like she would be for work.

She loves this photo because she knows that more than much else, the reason that this photo exists is why this is one of my most favorite pictures of us together. She did what she does for work and created my “Cher” for me…she did not let me down.

(I will bet you did not know that MY”Cher” dances hula, did you?)

When I see this photo, I see in her the same thing that I saw in the little girl clinging to me like there would be no tomorrow. She was a shy little girl, and that shyness only made her be who she is now. She pays attention to everything but does not say anything about what she sees, and she uses the information that she gathers because it keeps her safe.

I did not raise her in the energy of fear, but in the energy that is strength.

I raised her to be strong, not tough, even though she knows well how to be tough. She grew up in the ʻhood…in Pomona, CA…

When we lived there, it became part of our daily vocabulary to refer to that town as what it was and will lovingly be referred to as what EVERYONE who lives there, used to live there, caught there in that vortex of believing oneʻs self to be a “hood rat…” …we all call it #PTown…and Gracie knows better why than do I.

Sheʻs no ʻhood rat, and neither are her brothers, nor her mother. We do not roll that way.

We never have.

So, to be fair, I cannot state that my kids are truly “hood,” as much as they are very very strong people. I would have it no way else. It was nothing for me to take on, that idea that “boys will be boys” and “girls will be girls” and I know that I did right by them when I made no attempt to make excuses for their father, and now my own father, in terms of what it is like to “be a girl” in this day and age. Not one of us who is lucky enough to have a daughter who calls us “Mom” does not know what it is like to worry that one day, someone, anyone, male or female, will do to them the one thing that takes away their courage, even if for just a tiny little bit of time.

That one thing that too many people think is ok to do to us is to take advantage of us, ALL OF US – boys included – and force us to endure being bullied, being told that we are only good for anotherʻs purpose, even when that purpose is of a sexual nature.

We are weeks after the Supreme Court nomination, and because I will not loan to promoting that person who was placed there for the rest of their life, I will not name that personʻs name, that person who has been put in that place of power.

Let us just state that I believe Dr. Ford. 

I have to – I am a daughter who has a daughter….and to contribute to the energy that is “Girl Power” I have a lot to say to the people of this world.

Namely the people who are playing politics with our rights and our lives.

To think that a kick to the groin is going to be effective is fine because it is in the moment but what about afterwards, when those same girls end up having to deal with the backlash, and not from anyone else other than those boys who would intend to harm them?

Does anyone think that way anymore, that maybe if you piss a person off, that that will make that person be unreasonable?

Does no one else think that a young person who is guided by their egos, by their emotions, by the opinion of their social set, and who feels ashamed of NOT getting what they were likely betting on they would get – doesnʻt anyone think that people try hard to save face when they feel like they have been made a fool of? And a fool of because they assumed things could be what they inherently KNEW would not be?

I have raised a boy to a man, and what that man saw as a boy is unkind, because what I was teaching him versus what he saw from the one man in his life who he ought to have learned the most from, he actually learned from me, and learned from me not in the way that anyone would want their oldest son, let alone their oldest child, to have to learn which is to witness the horrors of domestic violence first hand.

No one told him that this was who his father was, and I certainly did not know what to do other than to stop the violence.

When I tried to stop the violence from happening to me with the go-to defense for girls – the kick to the groin – it just made him more mad. Truly, the kick to the groin is not the best measure of defense for a girl, but more to the point, for a grown woman, namely when they are married to the person who NEVER EVER SHOWED THAT HE WOULD HARM ME PHYSICALLY PRIOR to our marrying, and well into the first year – he never was violent with me, and I had no idea that he had those sorts of inclinations.

I found out differently.

So did my son.

 

What this young man has brought to me in terms of happiness and security is one thing, but that he grew up having seen the truth about what it means to be an assault victim in every possible way that a female human can be assaulted is quite another. I could not have planned it this way, did not plan it this way, that the beginning of his life would be rife with the things that I never thought or wanted to believe were happening to me.

It was not easy for either of us.

There I was, the mother of this beautiful little human creature whose life began with the violence that he would never understand and neither would he be the one to impart that same violence on to anyone else, but namely not a female – even though I am sure that he wanted to smack the crap out of a few of us.

He is not a violent person.

He is a man, and I raised him to be that much. Whether it is that he realizes it, his mother believes him to be a very good man…and yeah, it is because he did not want to grow up to be the kind of person that his father was.

I say “was” because the man is dead to me.

As dead as are the manʻs father and brother are.

This is who my kidsʻ dad is.

Dead to me, and likely to them, as well.

The person who this man named Jeremy means a whole lot to, in terms of what it means to be an actual man is NOT only the young lady in the photos with me but, also to this guy…

….the little man in the suit is Joshua. He was and is the guy who Jeremy did not want seeing the horrors of abuse, did not want his little brother to see their only sister go through what it was that their dad did to me that they all watched, and then eventually to her, or at least tried to.

Letʻs just say that “tried to” means that he – their dad – did everything in his power, NOT to just make them know that he was in control, but, that he was able to control another human being – me, their mother.

Where did all of this madness begin with me?

It all starts at home…

Please

Do not get me wrong -my mom did all that she could and was able to do for me, for us…me and my brother. In fact, she worked so hard her whole life, or at least my whole life, for the two of us to have everything we needed.

Then one day, some shit hit the fan and it affected my entire family.

I will state that there are things that my father has done lately that proves to me that one does not have to physically abuse a person to abuse them and make their lives hard. Emotional abuse is a real thing, and everyday I live with the after effects.

Very well, I might add…and no one can tell me differently.

While I can appreciate the idea that men are still supposed to be men when they are fathers of daughters, I cannot appreciate the idea that way back in the days  of suffrage we were expected to take shit from the boys.

We are still and apparently expected to take their shit….in fact, we were then, and expected to now take EVERYONEʻS SHIT and really, Dr. Ford PROVES ME RIGHT !

This is proved by the way that many fathers dismiss the idea that this shit can happen to their daughters, no matter how prepared those men think their daughters are – sirs, you are not now and never ever have you been female and not now, nor ever shall you be able to guarantee their safety – EVER. You do not know what it is like to be afraid like a girl. You do not realize that the same things that you may have pulled on girls when you were in high school are now also being played out, and no – I DO NOT WISH THAT ON YOUR KIDS, but am merely making it clear to EVERYONE reading this, that it all includes you, your kids and how you have or have not taught them to be good human beings.

You cannot expect that these young women in your lives who call you “Dad” are GOING TO respond to anything that happens to them that you expect them to that would also cause you to want to kill another fatherʻs son..you cannot expect that those girls are going to be everything in that moment that you want to believe that they will be. One of those is NOT to not be a girl but someone who DOES NOT know what it is to be “unemotional.”

This is why you “donʻt get it” when the women in the world, all but a VERY few of us, have a bitch to pitch. You donʻt get the idea that WE – NOT YOU – are who have to fight this fight, but hopefully not for the rest of their lives – that is what the Moms of the world are really, really pissed about – that our daughters are being put to the task for NOT wanting to be who, at least in this country, a LOT of old men and their sons assume they want for themselves. I know NO YOUNG women, not even girls in grammar and middle school, who care to be in service to the boys in the world who will one day be the possible men in their lives.

Chew on that one for a minute, would you, and realize that no matter what you THINK you have taught them, all you dads, it is still THEIR choice to make, not yours, and that they are GOING TO make those choices like WOMEN and not the girls you dads have a habit of keeping them as. The way that that has presented itself to me as well as to my daughter is that women are not meant to have the right to defend who we are, defend what we are all about, defend ourselves, period.

Again…Dr. Ford proves me RIGHT….

I said it…all of it….deal with it already, because it is the truth.

There are other factors involved here, and some that you, yourselves, have been through – so I would like to know what makes it different for you than for them? Please know now that the way the young men in their lives treat them was reflected in your daughtersʻ actions and words,  in the way that you taught them to become the women who they will be one day, or presently are and in accordance with the men who will come into their lives as being just like you. Whatever it is that they accept in terms of who they are as women and in relation to the young men in their lives was DIRECTLY learned by them from you.

What makes it different for you than for these young men who are now listening to every tiny remark that you make, either trying to make sense of the idea that there are girls in their lives who are, whether you want to believe it or not, not as safe as you have prepared them to be? None of us are. Not even you.

You want your daughters to believe that they can just kick a guy in the groin and that that alone will stop him – that may have or still could stop you, but, the same is not to be said of other men, neither other mensʻ sons. You are not them, these other men, and you did not raise their sons, so you cannot make the assumption that how you are also is the way that those men are and also is the way that you taught your daughters that men are. Regardless of what you want to believe, you cannot now nor ever can you believe that what you taught your daughters is what another father taught his sons.

Why do you not all think this way?

Why is it that you trust that all other men are going to be as proper as you are and why would you not be open to the ugly truth in the possibility that there are men on the planet – abusive men – who actually teach their boys that women are to be owned, controlled, trained, and yeah ….abused?

You can believe that I am picking on one person, but I am actually asking a real question, specifically of the fathers of daughters of the world which we all share – how would you really feel if some young man said what 45 has stated is okay, if some young man decided that he would put his hands on your girls, if some young man chose it that he would do what he pleased with your girls, even against their will? Are you aware of the idea that the majority of sexual assaults on women are done to us by people who we know and trust…and that is the thing that no one thinks about – the idea that when it happens, it is typically by someone who we have learned to trust. 

I am betting that anyone who would question why it is that it took Dr. Ford as long as it had to tell anyone about what happened and why after better than three decades she said something?

It has nothing to do with wanting to or not wanting to say something, but that for a long time women have not been believed when it comes to our being assaulted in any manner. Proof of this is my own – when I called PD, over and over again , and regardless of the fact that this abusive man was taunting me in front of the cops – they did nothing and told me that because I stood up for myself, that maybe I am the one who needed to go to jail, that maybe I was lying because why would the fat fucker do that to someone who (ready?) “looks like” me? (Yeah…they went there, as though that is all I have ever been – something to gawk at…please, keep reading).

I do not know why abusers abuse, at least not in the sense that is case by case. What we are facing is the truth – our country is one of the very least female friendly ones, that our boys, unless they have seen it for themselves, are being primed to be the reason why moms and life coaches like me exist in this world, and thank the Goddess that we do – without us and our stories, Dr. Ford would not have the bravery to come out when she did and tell us who we were about to have to deal with for however long that man lives.

Not only that, with that guy being appointed, even if he has changed, it puts us back to the time when a man was the one who had the very last say so, and when that last say so has to do with our own self worth, our sense of safety and womenʻs rights as a whole, I have to tell those men who tell women like me to shut up and take it like a man that they are not dealing with men, but with the group of people who those very men state that they know nothing about and who they, the men, will not ever understand – WOMEN.

We have all heard that joke -that men do not understand us, and the wisest men in our midst will be the very first ones to tell any woman the things that I have stated here.

Even though, for real, they do not “get it” in terms of why it is that we end up triggered like we are as a entire demographic – yes, Sirs – your daughterʻs, too, even if they are NOT saying it loud enough for you to hear. These girls in your lives are NOT there for you to expect a thing from, and your duty to them is to simply love them and guide them and NOT to mold them into yet more robotic women like the ones in the 50ʻs who were TOLD who they were, even though they were following a script, and what a nasty script it was.

They were TOLD they would be happier to be wives and moms at home, that to have a job meant that the husbands in their lives would end up feeling like less of a man. But what about what those women wanted? Are you ready for your own daughters to have to deal with that level of depression, that level of not being able to be who they are and more than much else, that level of being enslaved, not only by a black book, but, by a world of men from the old days who are wishing that we would just shut the fuck up and get over it already….

Get over what?

The idea that for generations, the old codgers have been training their sons to believe, still, the way that the colonists did – that he who holds all the money is he who holds all the power…?

If that is the case, why are you all so worried about our having rights? Why are you worried about anything, really, as long as you can put a price tag on what we value most, which is our very selves?

Seriously – why are there certain men who feel so very threatened by lilʻ ole us and why is it that what is needed by women and is rightfully ours as well as all of the men in your lives – that thing called security and is neatly had without question by our sons, but by ALL of our daughters?

My daughter is not lesser than her brothers, neither her boyfriend.

She is a girl

How does that make her less worthy, all the way to the idea that many people have these days that she ought to just get used to the idea that people in this world will treat her like she does not matter and that when she says no that she really means it?

Do you realize that this also applies to your own daughters?

Why are your sons more able, more important than the rights of the collective of women and girls, and why is it that there are people who still cannot get it through their heads that we are never going to allow it be this way forever?

There is nothing more lovely in the world than to be the mother of a daughter, than to be the mother of the daughter who is not afraid to be herself, even when a bunch of strange old men on the other side of the country believe that we need to be who we were back in the 50s….pretty much nothing other than enslaved, told who  we were and that the men in our lives have the right to assault us.

Hate me all you want to for opening your eyes, and hopefully your minds, to the truth that is “being a girl” at this time in history. Whether you like it or not, your closed mindedness is being shown to the world in the most unconscious manner that can possibly be shown to us…

I said it – so deal with it.

 

#ThinkAboutIt

#UnSilenceTheViolence

#LosAngelesKahunaRox

#TheCrabAndTheFish